Overhauling Sex Education: Consciously Guiding Our Next Generations to Avoid the Mistakes That Went Before Them.

The society that we live in is imbalanced in many ways and to say we live in an over-sexualised society is possibly an understatement. The common mainstream teachings in sex education in schools focus primarily on contraception, STI’s and consent. Some of the major missing elements are the “why’s.” Why would we have sex with somebody in the first place would be a great place to start. If we don’t elicit these thoughts from young people, then we are allowing them to continue in the subconscious and harmful mimetic behaviours that have gone before them in our society. For example, having sex because they are pre-programmed to believe it is normal to do so once reaching or nearing the age of consent without much thought for whether or not there is a wholesome connection with their mate, or if their choices of partner are influenced by their generational traumas that will potentially lead to unfavourable outcomes.

When we talk about an over-sexualised society if we look at all the mainstream influences that we are exposed to as a collective like social media, the music industry, TV and film, high street fashion and easily accessible internet porn which are all so often portraying females to be exhibiting themselves in a sexual way even from very young ages. Females of all ages are increasingly enhanced with obvious aesthetics and cosmetic surgeries, social media pictures of females are frequently published, pouting and posing in ways which lack authenticity and appear to be begging for male acceptance. This isn’t just celebrities trying to sell a film or an album, this has become the norm for many females who follow a conventional lifestyle in our society who appear to be selling themselves purely for the acceptance of their physical beings.

Whether they realise it or not, the very nature of this behaviour is actually inverted if you think about the bigger human picture. Women are the ones who choose their partners, women are the ones who in ‘typical’ circumstances give permission for sexual intimacy to happen in a male female relationship. In the animal kingdom the male is typically the one who will exhibit himself to attract a mate. The females of most species are usually physically less conspicuous in appearance than their male counterparts. This inversion has caused much upset and insincerity in our world over the last few centuries.

Imagine how many females there are in the world who are overflowing with wisdom and creativity and intelligence of all types or who have a wealth of compassion and intuition who have been overlooked for the wonderful qualities they would bring to a relationship. How many women throughout history have had relationships and marriages which have been based on their physical appearances? We are conditioned in our society to believe that this is natural and that physical attraction is what needs to be present in order for a relationship to work. Very rarely in mainstream culture do men have the opportunity to see the true beauty which may be present in a woman. Her heart and her soul and her mind do not appear to be important factors these days when men are seeking a mate. Very often men will have relationships with the illusion of makeup, hair dye and beautiful clothing, or long legs or nice breasts instead of with the person inside.

Increasingly relationships and marriages fail because raw and true beauty is either not present behind the illusion or because the woman had more to offer than her good looking physical being and her mate did not recognise it or did not appreciate it because his consciousness was not elevated enough to understand it. Or even worse it could be that he didn’t desire it. In some cases, only a stereotypically attractive sexual partner is required in a relationship, and this historically does not make for a wholesome and soulful connection between a man and a woman.

A little bit of personal history

Over 20 years ago, before I became a mother, I found myself in a very sad situation in my life. I had so much grief that I became numb to many things and I started working in strip clubs with the intention of saving money to travel to Japan. I worked in several clubs in the early to mid-naughties and found myself in a world which although was toxic, gave me tremendous insight in relation to male/female connections and attractions. On reflection it was an experience which shaped my life and my views and indeed my behaviours at different stages of my adult life.

One thing I learnt from doing this type of work is that many men of all types and education levels are very susceptible to being easily led and infatuated when teased by females exhibiting their sexuality (the teased part is important) because it is the part which seems to control and perpetuate this infatuation. Infatuation is a factor to highlight here as well because this is the illusionary element that leads many people away from finding true happiness.

What happens in strip clubs is like an exaggerated version of what happens in the initial stages of the romancing scene. The man becomes infatuated by the woman’s teasing and the anticipation of the idea of a sexual connection with a physically beautiful woman. He is almost bewitched by the illusionary experience and will often go to great lengths to pursue the woman until she gives him her full attention. In relationships and dating if the attraction is completely devoid of anything more than optical illusions and lust, then most often the man will very quickly change after sexual intercourse has taken place. Being less present and less interested in general are big examples.

Relationships are frequently formed from these types of unions and very often the man and the woman will become mutually resentful and often with a one sided discrepancy of attention and affection which will undoubtedly cause insecurity and self-doubt in both parties and lead to conflict and pain before the situation comes to an end in a non-amicable fashion and each person continues on their quest to find a fulfilling relationship, carrying the scars from their latest romantic experience.

Giving away our power

This harmful cycle of how we typically select our mates is a result of us as women giving away our unique feminine power to work against us. I am not saying women should be discouraged from taking care of their physical appearance. Good physical appearance is an important part of having healthy self-esteem if it’s done for the right reasons. A little bit like creating a beautiful garden or decorating one’s house in a way that is pleasing to the senses. Applying the same thinking to how we appear in the world is equally as valid but only if it is not in pursuit of acceptance from anybody outside of ourselves.

If we guided the children in our families and through our education systems to ask themselves the first question in their sex education classes ‘Why would I have sex with somebody in the first place?’ If we gave them the guidance to think carefully about the implications of having sex, and to consider the appropriate conditions for a relationship to have that kind of union in the first place, then we could take the first step to changing the consciousness of future generations regarding sex and relationships. We could guide our young people to make relationships something that brings them joy, security and harmony. We could teach our future generations the importance of giving preparation for their potential relationships much more priority than we currently do and have done for a long time in western culture.